Can You Imagine (Nothing Else Matters)
by Katie Alden
Summary: After the Battle of Hogwarts, Dennis is faced with a world without his brother. Deciding that desperate times call for desperate measures, Dennis goes to great lengths to ensure that such a world never exists. Will he be successful, or will the plan go awry? Written for the QLFC Season 7 Round 10.


**Written for the QLFC season 7 round 10. Chaser 2. This round, we all had to choose from a list of characters to reverse their canon fate. I have chosen to save Colin Creevey. **

**Additional prompts: 1. (Song) It's Quiet Uptown; 12. (Dialogue) "Have you been crying?"; 15. (Object) Hourglass**

**I know that my portrayal of a TimeTurner is not what we see in canon, but I figure that in the four years since Prisoner of Azkaban there would have been some advances, especially since the timeturners were destryed in the Battle of the Department of Mysteries.**

**Warnings for character death, with mentions of symptoms of both depression and PTSD.**

_There are moments that the words don't reach, there's a suffering too terrible to name _

Dennis stared out the window, not really seeing what was beyond the glass. Instead, he saw death and destruction. He saw the ending of his world.

A year. A year since his brother had been murdered, and he had spent every minute of every day imagining what had happened. Although he had only been fourteen, he would never forgive himself for not being there with Colin. Colin has always been there for Dennis whenever he needed him, but the one time it was Colin in need, he, Dennis, had been absent from his side.

When his grandfather passed away last year, a well-meaning relative had told him that he was lucky that he was young. That the young don't truly understand loss and suffering.

They were wrong, though. He knew that what he was feeling now was true suffering, deep and painful and more terrible than anything he had encountered during the war.

The problem was, he couldn't tell anyone. He had never really cared about the fact he couldn't talk about the Wizarding world with his friends and family, but now he had to pretend that Colin had passed away in a freak accident. Only he and his parents would ever know the truth - that Colin has been a victim of senseless, cruel, cold-blooded murder.

_You hold your child as tight as you can_

Perhaps more terrible than his own grief was watching that of his mother. No woman should ever have to bury her child, and the circumstances of his death had made her suffering so much crueler. She had never gotten the chance to say goodbye.

Dennis had not left his mother's side since the battle three months ago. He was all she had left, and he could not bear to add to her worries by going out of her sight. By day she clung to his hand, and by night she clutched him in her arms, holding him as she had held her boys as young children.

_If I could spare his life_

As the days wore on, Dennis spiralled deeper into depression. He ignored the Hogwarts letter that arrived mid-summer, stuffing it into a drawer where his mother could not find it. The thought of returning to the place of his brother's death made him physically ill.

Instead of studying new spells and magical history, Dennis found himself studying something else - time travel. The more he read, and the deeper closer it got to the anniversary of Colin's death, the more he wanted to go back and change everything. To stop Colin from sneaking back into Hogwarts in the first place.

Dennis had never been one to break the rules, but desperate times called for desperate measures, and a few owls later, he found himself sitting in a muggle cafe, begging for help.

"Dean, please. You have to help me."

Dean shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Dennis, I miss Colin too. But this could cost me my job."

Dennis looked down at his hands, unable to meet the older boy's eyes. "I don't want you to lose your job, Dean. But this is my brother! Besides, if I'm successful then this conversation will never happen, and you won't lose your job."

There was a long silence, in which Dennis thought he would go mad. Finally, Dean sighed. "Ok, Dennis, I'll do it. But promise me something."

"Anything."

"Don't go getting yourself hurt, ok? We still need you around too."

Dennis had assured Dean that he would be careful and left after the older boy had promised to owl him as soon as everything was ready.

Dennis had expected to be waiting for weeks; instead, he found himself opening a window for a large brown owl only two days later. After giving the owl some food as a treat, Dennis opened the envelope, which was much heavier than it should be for a simple letter.

_Dennis,_

_One small turn per hour, one large turn per year. Remember, your past self will cease to exist as soon as you arrive, so make sure you get the time and place right. _

_BE CAREFUL. What you are attempting is very dangerous, don't take it lightly. _

_Good luck._

The letter wasn't signed, as he had expected The fewer ties to Dean the better.

Dennis stared at the tiny hourglass in his hand. One big twist and he'd be back there, one year to the day. One twist and he would be able to save his brother.

Taking a deep breath, Dennis turned the hourglass over, watching the sand begin to trickle down. Suddenly, the world seemed to turn sideways, and he was sucked through a tunnel of whirling colours, before landing back on his feet.

Hearing footsteps on the stairs, he counted to ten. If his calculations were correct, his brother was about to receive the news that the Battle of Hogwarts was beginning.

Right on cue, he heard Colin swear, just as his own DA galleon burned in his pocket. He steeped himself for the argument that was about to occur, being careful to remember precisely what he had said and done the first time. He had to plan every moment carefully - one mistake, and he would lose his chance to save his brother forever.

_If I could trade his life for mine_

Dennis had been surprised, albeit grateful, to discover that the Knight Bus was still running. Apparently news of the impending battle hadn't yet spread beyond the Order and DA, and the rest of the Wizarding world was business as usual - or as usual as it ever was in wartime.

Stepping off the bus in Hogsmeade, he drew a shaky breath, feeling tears spring into his eyes. He was about to see his brother for the first time in a year, and he suddenly felt extremely nervous. What if he failed? Until now, he hadn't allowed himself to think of that possibility, but now it refused to leave him alone. Would he ever be able to forgive himself if he returned without his brother?

He barely paid attention as he hurtled down the passageway from the Hog's Head, thinking only of his brother on the other end. However, he arrived to find the Room of Requirement empty and the sounds of the battle already raging in the corridors.

Time ceased to exist as he raced through the Castle, desperately seeking out his brother. What if he was already too late? This time there was no holding back the tears, and he could feel them mixing with the dust and grime that coated his face.

Just as he was about to give up all hope, he rounded a corner to see Colin running towards him, a Death Eater on his tail. With a well-placed stunner, Dennis eliminated the threat to his brother's life and breathed a sigh of relief. He had made it just in time.

"Dennis? What in the name of Merlin?"

"Colin! Oh, Colin, thank Merlin you're alive."

'Dennis, you aren't supposed to be h- wait. Have you been crying?"

"I was so scared I was going to lose you." Openly sobbing now, Dennis was about to hug his brother tighter than he ever had, but before he could, he noticed movement out of the corner of his eye. Launching himself towards Colin, Dennis felt a shock of pain, and then nothing.

_There's no replacing what we've lost_

Colin refused to believe it. One moment his brother had been standing right in front of him, talking, and the next he was lying lifeless on the ground.

It should have been him. He knew that everyone thought that when they lost a loved one, but this time, it was true. That spell had been aimed at him, he should have been the one lying lifeless on the ground. Instead, it was his brother, his bubbly, driven little brother, who had deserved so much more than he had gotten.

Afterwards, Colin would never be able to remember just how he survived the rest of the battle. One moment he was bent over the dead body of his brother, and the next he was back at home, forced to break the news to his parents. That he had survived was certain, but at what cost? How many people were now mourning their own loved ones because of the rage he was sure Dennis' death would have sent him into.

Colin felt that he had lost so much more than just a brother that day. He had lost his best friend, and partner in crime. But more than that, he had lost any scrap of innocence that had previously remained untouched by the horrors of the war. Just as he would never again have a brother, Colin knew instinctively that he had changed, had lost a part of him that he would never get back.

_We push away what we can never understand _

In the first days after the war, Colin vowed to never return to the Wizarding world. The thought of returning to the world that had robbed him of his brother made him physically ill, and he didn't think he would ever be able to face even the most innocent spell without screaming.

His friends had been amazing; however, they could never understand just how he was feeling. He wished he had the strength of people like Ginny, who was returning to the place her own brother died to complete her education, but he just couldn't. Sometimes he thought that if he hadn't been with him, or if that spell had come from a different direction, it would have been easier to return. However, it was the knowledge that Dennis had died for him that made it so hard to move on. Despite what people tried to tell him, he just didn't feel worth it.

One day, though, it started to change, all due to a letter.

_Colin,_

_I know saying that I understand how you feel is pretty redundant right now, but let's just say I've been where you are right now, and I know how much it hurts. I know how hard it is to accept that your life is worth someone else's._

_But know this, without a doubt: YOU ARE WORTH IT._

_Colin, Dennis would not have taken that spell for you if he didn't think that you were worth it. Dennis took that spell so that you could have a future, and as hard as this is to hear, by wallowing in grief and misery, we disrespect those who gave our lives so that our own lives can be better._

_It isn't going to get better overnight. There is a part of you that will always ache with his loss. But the best way for you to honour Dennis' memory is to live the life you were planning to before the battle. I promise that it is worth it._

_Send me an owl if you need to talk,_

_Harry._

Colin read the letter at least ten times and then wiped his tears and picked up a quill. McGonagall needed to know that she would be having one extra student come September first.

_She takes his hand_

Returning to Hogwarts had not been easy, but by Christmas, Colin was glad he had followed Harry's advice and gone for his final year of schooling. The further time moved on from that fateful day, the more Colin knew that this is what Dennis would have wanted. He may never understand just why Dennis had chosen to take that spell for him, but he would not tarnish his memory by giving up on life.

Even if that meant falling in love with his girlfriend.

He hadn't meant for it to happen. In fact, when he first returned to Hogwarts, Colin had purposefully avoided Orla Quirk, Dennis' girlfriend of almost six months before his death. He couldn't bring himself to meet her eyes, feeling a wave of the ever-present guilt rise in his throat whenever he saw her. Surely his very existence would be painful for her.

In the end, it was Orla who approached him, knowing instinctively that only the two of them would ever be able to fully understand the pain of their loss. Sure, everyone around them had lost someone, but only they had lost Dennis, and that should bring them together, instead of apart. The only problem was that Colin had found himself feeling things you should never feel for your brother's girlfriend - especially when your brother isn't around to fight for himself.

Once again, it was Orla to make the first move. "Dennis wouldn't want us to be lonely forever, Colin. I know that what he would want is for both of us to be happy, and he'd be overjoyed to think that we could find that happiness forever."

Colin couldn't remember his response, in fact, it probably wasn't even intelligent. However, he was very aware of her hand in his as they walked through the hallways between classes, and nothing had ever felt so natural.

_Forgiveness_

The road after Hogwarts had been a hard and rocky one, with many resurgences of the old feelings of guilt, along with the nightmares of Dennis knocking him out of the way of that fateful spell. Orla had been so patient with him, riding his every mood, even going so far as to look him in the eyes, and declare her forgiveness for whatever part he may or may not have played in Dennis' death.

He knew it wasn't her forgiveness he needed, however. It was his own. The problem was, he didn't think he would ever be able to forgive himself for living when his brother had not.

Time moved on, and Colin was able to be reasonably happy, even while carrying his burden of guilt and shame. He had cried tears of joy the day he married Orla, and tears of both joy and fear when she told him she was pregnant. He was a good photographer, he was a good husband, but could he be a good father?

Faster than he could have ever imagined, nine months flew by, and he was about to meet his son or daughter. He forced himself to breathe as Orla pushed through the contractions coursing through her body.

He hadn't been able to keep his brother safe, so would he be able to protect this tiny life that would be entirely dependent on him?

He was broken out of his thoughts by a scream, followed by a shrill cry. Orla fell back onto the bed with a triumphant smile, but before he could go to her, he was handed a tiny blue bundle.

His son.

Looking into his son's face for the first time, Colin felt a freedom he had never felt before. There was something about the little boy that was so like Dennis, and yet so different. As Colin held his son close to him, he did something he hadn't been able to do for five years; he forgave himself.

"Jonathan Dennis Creevey. Welcome to the world, little one. It can be a little scary sometimes, but I'll always protect you."


End file.
